Sunday, November 13, 2016

The Vulnerability Required In Starting a Blog

I really enjoyed writing on a blog during my trips to Peru and Colombia, as well as during our honeymoon. I felt really honored to find that people read and enjoyed it. I have always loved writing. I've filled up a lot of journals and have always found it easier to say what I mean on paper than with words, and traveling gave me something to write about that I could also share.

Although my day to day life isn't near as eventful as my travels were, I realized I really could write blog posts about anything. I'm someone who loves to read articles and posts on the internet. When I'm curious about or interested in something, I read and read and read posts on the topic. Sometimes it helps me form my own opinions, sometimes I'm left completely confused because of all the conflicting opinions and advice. Either way though, I enjoy it. A lot of people really just write about the things we go through in our normal, day to day lives, and I realized I could do the same. I don't have to be somewhere exotic to write a blog.

Thinking about it more, though, I realized that in order to write about day to day life, I would have to open up a bit. On the internet. The thought of that was really scary to me. I have my share of thoughts, experiences, and opinions, but I'm usually very selective about who I share what with. It's not that I'm a reserved person by any means. To put it bluntly, I think what it comes down to is that I really do care what people think and I really don't like being judged. 

The idea of starting a blog about day to day life brought up a lot of fears that really made me examine myself. I became really aware of the way I go through my interactions, and what and when I share, and the very specific situations in which I really open up. If I think someone will judge me for something, I generally just keep it to myself. If I think their opinion differs from mine, I usually keep my opinion quiet. I am so aware of what they are thinking- what I guess they are thinking. Really that's what I'm doing, guessing. I can't read their minds. 

I don't think this is a too uncommon way to go about life, but I realized it's actually not a very good way to go about life. For one, I am never going to please everyone. The approval of others is not a solid foundation to rest my confidence on. I should be resting my confidence on what God thinks of me, not everyone around me. If I know that what I'm doing is right in God's eyes, and I know it's best for me and my family, other people's opinions shouldn't affect how I feel about what I'm doing. 

These are the conclusions I have come to about how I would like to be. Ideally, I would love to be able to say what I think, do, or feel, and have what other people are "thinking" about it just brush off me. Not going to happen completely, but a good ideal to shoot for I think.

Part of working towards this is not letting my fears of people's judgements hold me back from writing a blog. I know I will enjoy it, I love writing. I'm sure someone out there would enjoy reading it, even if it's just my sister or my mom :) 

So hear it goes, putting my thoughts, experiences, and opinions out there for the world to see.

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