Monday, December 5, 2016

All's Fair In Love, War, and Wedding Planning

I remember telling myself, at some point in the hectic couple weeks before our wedding, that I would try my best from that point forward to never judge a bride.

Seriously though! Brides cannot be held accountable for the decisions they make right before their wedding, when pressures are coming at them from every direction, and everyone has an opinion or a comment or hurt feelings.

I have to say that I found wedding planning a lot of fun up until the last month before the wedding, excluding the the odd stressful episode. 

When Matt proposed to me, I was over the moon with joy. I felt completely at peace with the decision to get married, felt so sure it was what God wanted of us, and was incredibly excited to be married to Matt. I was also really excited to plan my wedding. Something about my personality really suited wedding planning, and I loved it. I made centrepieces and thank you cards with my sister, I made lists and spreadsheets and kept track of our budget, and it was all pretty fun.

Picking bridesmaids was a tough one for me, as I am equally close with a lot of my friends and it was really hard to choose. We had a big bridal party (6 bridesmaids, 6 groomsmen), and although having it big was a lot of fun, it did complicate the choosing a little more. So that was a little tough, but all worked out in the end.

The reason wedding planning got really stressful for me in the month before the wedding, is I really started to feel the pressures that I had always heard about. I really cared what everyone thought, and really didn't want anyone to feel at all hurt or excluded by any decisions I made. We had a big wedding, about 300 guests, and trying to please that many people is just ridiculous. One thing I found difficult was arranging the table seating. This can be avoided by just letting everyone sit wherever they want, but I've heard people complain about this approach as well, so you really can't win! 

As I would arrange the tables on my little spreadsheet to be as close to 8 people per table as possible, thoughts would bounce around in my head. Comments I'd heard such as people complaining about who they were seated with at a wedding they once attended. I tried to figure out who people would prefer sitting with, I analyzed what every person would think about the table I put them at. I also asked a few people who they would like to sit with, and then would have to cater to that when the numbers wouldn't add up. I completely stressed myself out, and this was not the right way to go about this. Yes it was good for me to try to be conscientious about who was where, but not to the point where I was completely stressed out by it. If people were that unhappy with the seating arrangement, they could suffer through the meal and then move and visit with whoever they pleased.  

This has always been something I've struggled with, worrying too much and over thinking things. The table arrangement was a perfect example of this.

For some reason, weddings seem to be the time when suddenly everyone has expectations of the bride. To be included, but not asked to do too much. For the dance floor not to be too squishy, but not to be too open. I'm as guilty as anyone for making criticisms of weddings I'd been to, but then as the bride planning my own wedding, every negative comment I'd ever heard would play around in my head and stress me out! 

My point with all of this is to say that first of all, we should all cut brides some slack. Planning a wedding is hard, there are lots of people to please, and really it shouldn't be about the guests anyway. It should be about the sacrament of marriage between two people who are joining themselves together for life. My second point is that brides like me, who are inclined to worry way too much about what everyone will think and what everyone will feel, should chill out. A lot of the wedding traditions are probably being perpetrated by the billion dollar wedding industry (ha I sound like such a cynic!), the people who love you will understand in the end and will allow for a few inconsiderate decisions if you do make them, and it'll all be okay. 

Wedding planning was a lot of fun until I started to let things get to me as the wedding approached, but the actual wedding day was phenomenal. I am so glad I was able to let go of any worries that day and just celebrate the fact that from that point forward, I would be married to the love of my life forever. We were so showered with love by everyone around us, and now a year and a half later I am so so so so glad we made the decision to get married and still count our wedding day as one of the best days of my entire life.

Best day ever.
Photos by tiGraphy.

1 comment:

  1. That's why I am having 30 people at my wedding ;) hahaha