Thursday, August 10, 2017

You Are My Sunshine

At the river with my girl.

I am so grateful to have a sister who is an amazing photographer. The three of us decided to go down to the river near Monica's new house and she brought her camera along and shot these beautiful photos of Rose and I that I think capture our little relationship in such a sweet and real way. That is the beauty of photographs - so much feeling and memory can be captured in an image that you can keep and look back on forever.

When I pray, I always try to remember to thank God from the bottom of my heart for giving me Matt and Rose. I sometimes wonder what I did to deserve to be blessed with two people who have changed my life so completely for the better.

I was thinking last night about the deep joy of motherhood. Yes, on the surface, sometimes the joy is lacking - when you woke up at 6 am (this little stinker is an early riser) and you feel flustered at the end of the day when your babe is getting fussy and it's really hot and you just want to have a long bath or an uninterrupted sleep... completely hypothetical situation... anyway. Sometimes the joy is lacking on the surface because there are a lot of difficulties and sacrifices in motherhood. However, at least in my experience, life since Rose was born has held this deep underlying joy and purpose. It may not always feel like the monotony of making meals, cleaning the house, changing diapers, etc. has purpose, but deep down I always know that raising and loving Rose as best I can is the the most important and purposeful job. Little things like her funny way of dancing or the way she says "Oh no!" fill me with happiness, not to mention the entire experience of being her mom.

I find it so uplifting to be around other moms who find deep joy in motherhood, who love their kids so much and see them as the most precious gift. I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many moms like this! It really helps me to focus on the positive side of being a mom. I'm not meaning moms who make it seem like their mom-life is perfect and always easy - no way - I'm talking about moms who will be completely honest about their struggles (seriously as a mom there is a new struggle every day I think. Motherhood is just improvising and rolling with the punches) but underlying it all you can just sense their intense love for their kiddos and their genuine joy for this role we're lucky enough to fill. I feel really grateful that the people around me are all like this, it is such a great community to be part of - one that sees babies as the best gifts.

I have so many wishes & prayers for Rose. I hope she knows how completely loved she is. I hope she develops a deep relationship and deep trust in God. I pray for little things like for me to be able to help her not to be as perfectionistic or anxious as I sometimes find myself being, that she will be perseverant and not too afraid of failure, and I always pray that I can be a really good mom for her. 

Rose you are my little sunshine! This title came to me because I was just singing the song to her while I played with her hair before she went to sleep. She is such a sunshine in my life and she will never know how much I love her :)

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